Good Evening My Loves,
I have a lot to share with you tonight, so let me start by saying that I have been marinating this post in my head and in my heart for the past week or so now, and I finally feel ready to sit down and write it. I'm here in my tiny little room in the West Village, cramped between fashion magazines, and yesterday's laundry, hovering over my computer in silence. I'm quiet because something big just happened today - frankly I should have expected it because the skies are calling for a very tumultuous April 2014. Regardless, I didn't see it coming. Today my team at work was called in for a huddle and our Creative Director announced her departure from our company, my company, and I was absolutely, positively, SHOCKED. Just when you think you know how everything is going to play out in life, a hurricane hits, and washes your sandcastle away.
Obviously I haven't known about this for even 24hrs yet so you're probably wondering how I've been conceiving of this post for a week then. Well I guess it came full circle when I asked her how she felt about leaving not only our company but New York as well. "Living here is like being in a constant swirl, inside the eye of a tornado, and now...I just want to be on the outside looking in" she said, along with classic, adorable hand gestures that only she can make. And suddenly it hit me, how much more of the madness can
I take?! Clearly she is at peace to let it go, she's done her time here and she's ready to say goodbye. So after nearly 5 years here, what exactly am I still holding onto? What more do I feel like I need to prove in this city?
For those of you who don't live in New York, the only way I can describe it is like being in the most toxic love hate relationship you've ever had. It's the boyfriend (or girlfriend) you just die to be around, do anything you can to accommodate, just to have 5 minutes of their time (even if it means squeezing into claustrophobic subway cars or apartments), who only ever gives you just enough to keep you interested, but never enough to keep you truly fulfilled, is completely inconsistent (hello transit system!!), totally high maintenance, and expensive to date, and is always unfailingly wavering between the extremes (oppressively hot or cold, never in between). It's the relationship that should have ended years ago, but the chemistry is too much of a high to let it go.